GENTLE READER: Inclined to side with mothers whenever possible, Miss Manners is happy to say she agrees with yours. And with you. It is rude to leave out a tip jar in a private home. It screams, as you indicated, that your employees are not satisfied with their pay -- or are crassly looking for extra.

At the most recent party, however, I noticed she had set up a tip jar next to the drinks. I was horrified. I went over and grabbed the jar, then pulled her aside and said that I was sorry that she did not feel I was paying her enough,

I hold an annual party, for which I hire a person to assist me in setting it up, maintaining the buffet and serving drinks. She has always done a great job.